NSV: Hiking up to Abenaki Lookout tower in New Hampshire

My asthma had been giving me fits for a month or more the day this photos was taken. The winter saw me have the flu, then bronchitis, and then a really bad bout with a sinus infection. When this photo was taken on Sunday, April 19th, I could barely make it up the hill to the lookout tower. DF and I were up at Lake Winnipesaukee for the weekend and he had promised me that on weekends we could walk to get my "activity points" in for the week. The back-story here is that last summer, on a hot and humid day, we'd stopped by the same trail and I couldn't get even 1/2 of the way up before I had to turn around and head back to the a/c of the car.

I was determined NOT to let my asthma, poor breathing get in the way this time. DF was so good about it - he stopped with me along the path - encouraged me to take it slow - even said "look, my heart is beating fast too, it isn't just you that needs to go slow", so slowly but surely we made it up there and the lookout tower steps looked impossible to me as I leaned against the base, breathing hard.

But then I thought to myself, "I can do this. I can catch my breath and go up to the top." And so, flight after flight of stairs, I climbed, rested a second, climbed the next set of stairs. Up and up 'til we made it to the top. The photo below is me realizing that I'd overcome my fear... it was a true smile of accomplishment. Not only had I given myself the time to get up there and not backed down from the challenge, I overcome the occasional fear I have experienced since my asthma worsened of "oh my God, what if I get (wherever seems remote) and I have a problem and I can't get (fill in the blank... "down" or "out" or "into")?" So it was two victories in one climb and the view was soooooo worth it!

Happy to have made it up and overcome my asthma difficulties... I didn't give up with DF's encouragement and had a major Non-Scale Victory (NSV) as a result! The smile wasn't 'posed', it was honest.


Another view of the lake in very early spring in New Hampshire just as the trees were about to begin to bud...

My Reasons to DO This!!

I am going to post a list of the reasons that I want to and am losing weight. The reasons may not be all health related, may seem silly, or may make no sense to anyone but me... but, darnit!, I need to have a list where I can reference back to and re-read and remind myself when I am about to screw up.

The reasons I want to lose weight:

• To be healthier
• So I won't wheeze when I walk somewhere
• To feel comfortable when bending over to pick up something
• So I can see old friends and not be totally embarrassed by how much weight I have gained (this is a MAJOR one!)
• To be more social and enjoy going out more often in public
• To not feel self-conscious of whether something I am wearing is too tight, about to rip, etc.
• So I can go into a restaurant and not worry whether or not I can fit in the booth : (
• Because I know my asthma will improve considerably
• So I can do things with DS like we used to do all the time, i.e., riding bikes, playing frisbee, going golfing, tossing the baseball, walking around and exploring
• So I won't have like four chins and when I look down my chin doesn't receed into my neck fat
• So I can pull my knees up into my chest to paint my toenails! : )
• So I can touch my toes without a problem
• Because I want to not be self-conscious all the time when in public
• To be able to say "sure, I'll try that" and not panic "what if" about my weight keeping me from something
• To feel sexy again
• To wear whatever funky clothes I want to like I used to and not have it look like it may be the only thing I can fit into!
• TO HAVE PHOTOS OF MYSELF AT SPECIAL OCCASIONS!!!!
• So I don't have this voice of my Dad in my head saying "What's happened to you?" : (
• So I can casually fit into a conversation "well, I lost 100 lbs. once" and see people's jaws drop because they won't have ever imagined I could weigh anything more than 150 lbs.
• To be a Weight Watchers success story and inspire others that if I can do it, they can do it
• To play tennis again
• To wear a bathing suit that wasn't the only one in the store that quasi-fit so I settled on it
• To go back to Ireland and not think twice about whether or not I feel good enough to do things
• So airplane seatbelts won't be a source of fear!
• So my doctor will be damn proud of being right that I can do anything I put my mind to
• So I can dress up for DF and feel great by the look I see in his eyes when I am out with him
• So I never again have to worry that something I eat may trigger me to eat 'til I feel like I need to sleep from being so full

That should do it for tonight!

It looks like I have plenty of reasons to continue losing this weight! : ) I'm aiming for one-derland by Columbus Day weekend in October and I *know* I can do that if I concentrate and focus!

Together We Will Do This!

My church's Lenten sermon on Ash Wednesday was about using this Lenten season to concentrate on 'what is God's plan for me' and 'am I living up to God's purpose for my life, to my God given potential?". My answer was 'no, I'm not'. I think my weight is detrimental to how I feel about my own personna, I *know* it is. I don't do social events because of my weight... I am the most social person in the world, too... but these past 10+ years, I have just gotten heavier and heavier and shrunk back from 'real life' more and more.

So, I'm doing something about that. Weight Watchers and my friends there will help. It takes someone else who is struggling at the same size to know the battle, you know? I have wanted a hershey bar all day.... badly! I keep fighting internally about it and have made it through and know I will... but man! I *really* want to taste chocolate. I know if I had one kiss, it would end up being 20. : ( Ugh.

Weigh in for me was last night. I lost another 4.8 lbs. in the past week so that makes a total of 15 lbs. in two weeks. I'm out of the 260s and into the 250s (barely!). I want to get to 240 in the next month... that is my goal. 240 by May 1st. I also had another member of the group take a photo of my WW leader, Judi, and me so I could have a record of the beginning of this journey! ; )

Not a good photo of Judi who is usually laughing and so animated...

she looks sullen here which she, definitely, is not! And I will

wear this same outfit every Thursday night for WI so I can't

say my clothes were heavier from one week to the next.

Monday and Back At It

DF and I went to Connecticut for a long weekend this past weekend. We both took Friday off and drove there in the early afternoon, checking into our very nice room and then changing and going off to the MGM Grand for the Bruce Hornsby show which I'd gotten free tickets to. The show was amazingly great - I enjoyed every second of it!

I tried to keep on plan all weekend and did a pretty good job. I did have unaccounted for popcorn out of DF's bag at the movies on Saturday night but other than that (maybe 4 pts total) I counted everything. Even the glass of white wine with dinner. And AT dinner at a steak house on Saturday night I had already checked out their menu online and knew what I was going to order before hand... 8 oz of steak tips kabob. And it was delicious. Plus this restaurant had a really simple but good salad bar with great choices. And a baked potato and I measured out one Tbsp of sour cream and butter. A piece of rye bread (plain) and that was it. No dessert. : )

So here it is Monday and I'm back on plan. I plan to Wii it tonight, too, so should get some activity points logged. I'm on my way to making all of this habit and not so difficult, I hope! One thing I want to keep track of, and so am posting it here, is that the Prevention Flat Belly Diet really is all about including MUFA (monounsaturated fatty acids) into your diet. That can easily be incorporated into the WW food plan, so I'm posting some articles I found quickly on the web that include what foods MUFAs are. The bulleted list below is from different web sources:

• Most foods contain a combination of different fats. Examples of foods high in monounsaturated fats include vegetable oils such as olive oil, canola oil, peanut oil, sunflower oil and sesame oil. Other sources include avocados, peanut butter, and many nuts and seeds.
• Olives
• Olive oil
• Peanuts
• Dark chocolate
• Popcorn
• Almonds
• Nuts
• Nuts like almonds, walnuts, pecans, hazelnuts/filberts, Brazil nuts, pistachios, Macadamia nuts
• The four categories of MUFA that I like are oils, nuts and seeds, avocados and olives, and chocolate. Oils are specific, like Extra Virgin Olive Oil, Grape Seed Oil, and Soybean Oil. If you sautee your chicken in one of these oils, and put it on a mixed green salad with cheese and eggs, you have done great with a low-carb meal, and including your MUFA. The nuts and seeds category includes a lot of different snacks. Peanuts, walnuts, pecans, pistachios, and sunflower seeds are all on the list. These can be a quick snack, or you can add them to your meal. Pecan Encrusted Tilapia is a great way to include your MUFA, and be high protein at the same time. The avocados and olives category is pretty self explanatory. Olives make a great snack with some cheese. Avocados are great to add to your salad, or you can make a tasty guacamole to dip your low-carb tortilla chips in. Finally, my favorite, but least often consumed MUFA is chocolate. Dark chocolate, especially, is a good MUFA. Living low-carb, though, you must try not to have an abundance of chocolate, as it is not a low-carb food.
  

Since I love avocados (but they are horrendously HIGH in calories!!!), that is an easy choice. I'm not big into nuts but I like almonds well enough. I could try to add those into my diet. EVOO is easy... and I do have Flaxseed Oil tablets I should be taking so will begin that regimen again to increase daily MUFA intake. We'll see if it helps, I guess! :)

WooooooHOOOOOoooo!!!!

So ask me how Weigh In went tonight? Go ahead, ask!! : ) In this past week I have lost

TEN POUNDS!!!!!

You saw that right. Ten pounds. Actually 10.2 lbs in one week. Oh yeah BayBee!!! Wooohoooo. I worked the plan all week - counted points - didn't "cheat", drank water - watched salt, no sodas, had my dairy, EXERCISED (hello?? what is up with THAT!?!), and guess what - it worked!!! TEN POUNDS!!! As DF said to me tonight on the phone "that is a Biggest Loser number!". Damn straight it is! lol


I am thrilled and also dog-tired so going off to bed. DF and I are going to Connecticut for the weekend - tomorrow night to the MGM Grand at Foxwoods to see Bruce Hornsby in concert which I'm really psyched for! : ) And the hotel we're at has a small pool and a workout room which means I am trying the exercise equipment. Me, on a treadmill, who'd a thunk!?! : )

I am GOING TO DO THIS!! I am losing this weight once and for all. I *AM* doing it. Ten pounds... gone. I'm 1/5 of the way to my first big goal. 1/9 of the way to my goal!!!! YEAH!


g'nite!

BloooOOOOooooated!

I'm feeling so incredibly BLOATED today... I weigh in tonight and my weight had best be DOWN 'cause I've worked the program all week AND exercised. But I think my old friend 'diverticulitis' (sp?) may have flared up as I feel like I have a Jackie Gleason belly this morning.

I rarely eat more than a handful of popcorn and I popped a 100 calorie bag of Jolly Time Kettle corn (1 pt for WW) last night and ate it all while watching American Idol. I don't think popcorn and diverticulitis go well together. That is what it feels like. I did take 1/2 a water pill with my normal asthma meds (actually this a.m. I took: 20mg prednisone, theodur, doxycyclin, 1/2 lasix pill, prilosec and 500mg puff of Advair). I've been trotting to the Ladies Room a little bit but nothing like Sunday. Thank goodness I only took 1/2.

(click on the blow fish graphic to see the full effect! *grin*)

I did 45 minutes on the WiiFit last night. I moved up into Advanced on Step Aerobics which - once I got the hang of it - was fun. I didn't try advanced yet. It always helps when you have the Wii platform aiming the right way... which I didn't... so when I was trying to 'head' soccer balls and would lean to the right - the graphic Mii would lean to the left... at first I thought it was part of the balance program... but then - BLONDE MOMENT - realized I had the thing turned around the wrong way. Amazingly so much easier when facing the right way. *grin*

I cannot do basic yoga moves without falling over practically. The WiiFit tried to break this to me kindly "You can't do these moves." lol I can ski jump with the best of them (from my old Killington Mtn skiing days, no doubt!)... and I seem to be able to hold the 'half moon' position in Yoga far longer than the Wii expected. All in all, still having fun ... the responses of the game make me laugh and I like how it charts your progress. I was down 1.2 lbs. last night (Wednesday) since 1st logging in on Monday and was wearing the same clothes. All good.

Back to work for me - tons to finish up today as I'm taking tomorrow off to go to Connecticut with DF. I have free tix to a Bruce Hornsby (love him!) concert at Foxwoods MGM and then we're spending two nights in Mystic, CT. I'm actually looking forward to it. : )

I plan to have Progresso 1pt soup for lunch and then that will be it (maybe a banana this afternoon) before WI tonight at 6:30.

BFN

Exercising...

I did, indeed, get the Wii Fit last night and - after procrastinating about setting it up for awhile - I actually set it up, logged in all my info and got going on it. It was A RIOT!! I found myself laughing because I am so incredibly uncoordinated. My first go-round with the step aerobics should have been filmed for YouTube! lol The little easy arrows with the step up and then step down and step over and then step up? OMG! LOL I felt like I was playing Twister part of the time... my feet were crossed and I was doesey-doeing! It was funny. I think the 1st attempt I got something like 17 right, 84 misses. I turned that around after three attempts for the 1st one was not to be missed! : ) I also am the age of a 62 year old... and my little Wii-Jan hung her head in shame! It really is fun. I have near perfect balance which the machine seemed quite surprised at! pfft. And I'm a whiz at the "soccer heading"... no surprise there, I've been banging my head against things in life for years! *grin* I was a little out of breath when done with 40 minutes but that is great for me! And I gained APs so even better.

Back tonight after I try to convince the Wii Fit I can follow directions! ; )

PS: I just realized that if I post the "before" photo I took last night when getting home from work (before Wii'ing) that it might not be so startling as posting it by itself in a separate entry... so (deep breath.............) here it is (and it is REALLY BAD... I took it, looked at it and four others I took and am NOT posting and thought "how did I let myself get to THIS?!):

Wrist measurement... jeez.

I measured my wrist this a.m. and I'm at 8" which seems really big. Wonder what it will be when I lose weight? Supposedly the wrist size does not change but I know that it definitely has due to how my watch band fits... article on same posted here: http://www.ahealthyme.com/topic/adam217182


I CAN do this! I have to remember that my life depends on it and that my family depends on my life. ; ) Maybe I should make a list of why I want to get rid of this weight the right way...

The Dreaded Posting of the Before Measurements

Ugh. Here we go...

46" Breasts (no pulling in... just 'as they hang'...good heavens!)
44" Waist
48" Backside (this one surprised me, somehow thought it was going to be smaller #)

17" Neck (at base)
28" Upper Thigh (pfft... cottage cheese thighs... just gross! but I'm working on it...)
19 1/2" Calf

I need to measure my wrist. Know it is large- it always has been even when at ideal weight. I'm "large boned".


Okay...that was hard to do (post the measurements)... but there they are and it is all part of facing the facts, going forward to a healthier me. My BMI is crazy bad. No need to post it.

Slow Sunday...

Hi - I am home today. It feels so great to just be home by myself - setting my own schedule, I can't even express it! Got up and went to church which I really enjoyed. The Episcopal church in Arlington has a jazz quartet during parts of the service and they are really awesome. And the priest (we call them Priests in the Episcopal church, too... not just Catholics have that practice) is great... love his sermons. They always leave me with so much to think about and try to act on.

And finally the weather here is getting nicer... I saw the 1st robin of Spring yesterday, and it is sunny out today - probably in the 50s or low 60s. But I am inside and cleaning and boy-oh-boy does my bedroom and bathroom need it. It is so dusty which is awful for my asthma so I am cleaning.

Being OBESE (yes, I am... may as well admit it rather than pretend otherwise) does not make it easy. I'm vacuuming window blinds and under the bed and I'm huffing and puffing and sweating. JEEZ!!! How did I let this happen. I decided since I was going to be home today anyway I may as well take a water pill. It hasn't upset my stomach which it sometimes does, so that is a blessing - but it sure is working! lol I was doing things downstairs when it first "hit" and I was running up and down stairs so often I decided to just 'give in to it' and clean upstairs! *grin* I bet I've lost a couple of pounds today in water weight!! My ankles aren't as swollen up as usual from the water pill working... usually I have ankles like the ugly step sister to Cinderella below!

The water retention (and the fact I needed to recover a few minutes from cleaning before I get at it again) made me sit down to look for water reduction remedies and I scored a great article which is http://health.howstuffworks.com/home-remedies-for-water-retention.htm. Most of the things I have been doing - well... let me rephrase that... most of the suggestions I *know* about and *should be* doing. I do drink cranberry juice... I do eat bananas. I do drink a lot of water. But I'd forgotten about cabbage being a diuretic naturally... and yogurt stimulates the system to work properly... I eat plenty of yogurt during the week so that is covered. The other weird thing is that I have had sarcoidosis in the past and the most recent manifestation has been on my leg, just above my right ankle and up and onto the shin... showing in red blotches that do not - whether the sarcoid is active or not - disappear. Pretty ugly to look at. But - nothing I can do about that so I choose not to worry over the look of it. I worry plenty over the things I *can* do something about. : )

Off to log in my food for today on the Weight Watchers site!!

Peeking around the web...

I was looking through images this morning because I took my measurements after I got out of the shower. (Yikes!) I will be posting those later as I left the slip of paper they're written on upstairs and don't want to trudge up to get them to log them. But I found some extraordinary images... I guess it proves that as many people that look so much better than me, there are also those who look alot worse. I was really struck, though, by the image below from National Geographic of an overweight woman. I would say, sadly, that this is fairly accurate to how I look naked right now... the image goes with this url:
http://science.nationalgeographic.com/science/health-and-human-body/human-body/fat-costs.html

and the story is encapsulated by:
Americans enjoy one of the most luxurious lifestyles on Earth: Our food is plentiful. Our work is automated. Our leisure is effortless. And it's killing us.

Time to become accountable...

"I am worth the effort" I say to myself over and over inside my mind. "I am worth it... I can do this... I *WILL* do this...", I repeat in mantra-like reply.

But I haven't been 'doing this' and I continue to start and then stop... self-sabotaging. I mean, what the heck AM I doing? I am closer to 300 lbs. than 200 lbs. And I should not even be near to 200 lbs. But here I am. That's the reality.

As of last night, when I went back to the Weight Watchers Thursday night 6:30pm meeting, and weighed in for a restart (yet again!!)... I weighed in at 273.6 pounds. !!! Hello?? Linebackers on NFL football teams weigh less than I do. I will say this... I purposefully weighed in with my jeans and my cotton heavy fisherman sweater on... KNOWING that next week and from here on in I would weigh in every week with the same pair of sweats and tank top on. I strip down to those two items weekly so I can't blame any unexpected weight flucuations on my clothes. 'cause I *know* myself... I would absolutely say "I don't know what happened, I should have lost this week - it (here it comes...) must have been the clothes I was wearing!" Mhm. Well, there goes that excuse. ; )

I have been hesitating to contact Kelley from my 8 weeks WW group of friends, too. I know that I want to be accountable to someone other than the group of friends and that I *need* to be honest with someone when I totally screw up. I like Kelley - she and I seem to have a lot in common besides weight... we're both compassionate people, not afraid to offer our advice, we're Christians, proclaim our faith, and we're not too far off in age. I am 50 and will be 51 in June.


I've actually been 'on program' completely for well over a week now. My asthma has been pretty bad for about three weeks now and, because of that, I'm back on prednisone and an antibiotic trying to fight off this bronchitis I've had for nearly three weeks, too. As a result I am swollen up on my legs, ankles, hands. But not *as bad* as I have seen it in the past because I have been trying to remember to reduce salt/sodium intake.

I've finally been making good choices for foods, cooking most of my own meals, deciding on salad bar and veggies at the work cafeteria over their 'daily hot special' which always is good but so loaded with calories. DF bought us the Wii (well 'me', actually but he'll use it on the weekends at the Lake with me) and I have been doing that faithfully for the last week. Only the sports games that come with the Wii, but I've ordered the Wii Fit and am hoping that may be here on Monday from UPS. I couldn't decide whether or not I should buy it - my finances aren't great and I refuse to charge things on credit - but my mantra of "I am worth it" rang in my mind and I can make lunch and dinners for a few weeks and put the money I may have used aside and have paid for it. So... that's what I did.

"I am worth the effort!"

Time to Make the Change for Health

I am so uncomfortable in the 'body I am in'. I *must* change my lifestyle to support losing the weight I need to lose. It is no longer an option for me... I feel miserable. My health is deteriorating. My asthma is out of control... and I CAN change this and MUST. The link is to a list of questions about 'if you are ready to exercise' which I found helpful in a blog today when searching for photos quickly:



I am definitely an 'apple shape' now... so heavy in the mid-section that I cannot blame it all on peri-pause!

And what is the difference between the obese women in the photo below and me (other than obvious sense of style issues...lol)? They are EXERCISING!


I am going to die if I don't make changes. This is serious business. : (


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