Time to become accountable...

"I am worth the effort" I say to myself over and over inside my mind. "I am worth it... I can do this... I *WILL* do this...", I repeat in mantra-like reply.

But I haven't been 'doing this' and I continue to start and then stop... self-sabotaging. I mean, what the heck AM I doing? I am closer to 300 lbs. than 200 lbs. And I should not even be near to 200 lbs. But here I am. That's the reality.

As of last night, when I went back to the Weight Watchers Thursday night 6:30pm meeting, and weighed in for a restart (yet again!!)... I weighed in at 273.6 pounds. !!! Hello?? Linebackers on NFL football teams weigh less than I do. I will say this... I purposefully weighed in with my jeans and my cotton heavy fisherman sweater on... KNOWING that next week and from here on in I would weigh in every week with the same pair of sweats and tank top on. I strip down to those two items weekly so I can't blame any unexpected weight flucuations on my clothes. 'cause I *know* myself... I would absolutely say "I don't know what happened, I should have lost this week - it (here it comes...) must have been the clothes I was wearing!" Mhm. Well, there goes that excuse. ; )

I have been hesitating to contact Kelley from my 8 weeks WW group of friends, too. I know that I want to be accountable to someone other than the group of friends and that I *need* to be honest with someone when I totally screw up. I like Kelley - she and I seem to have a lot in common besides weight... we're both compassionate people, not afraid to offer our advice, we're Christians, proclaim our faith, and we're not too far off in age. I am 50 and will be 51 in June.

I've actually been 'on program' completely for well over a week now. My asthma has been pretty bad for about three weeks now and, because of that, I'm back on prednisone and an antibiotic trying to fight off this bronchitis I've had for nearly three weeks, too. As a result I am swollen up on my legs, ankles, hands. But not *as bad* as I have seen it in the past because I have been trying to remember to reduce salt/sodium intake.

I've finally been making good choices for foods, cooking most of my own meals, deciding on salad bar and veggies at the work cafeteria over their 'daily hot special' which always is good but so loaded with calories. DF bought us the Wii (well 'me', actually but he'll use it on the weekends at the Lake with me) and I have been doing that faithfully for the last week. Only the sports games that come with the Wii, but I've ordered the Wii Fit and am hoping that may be here on Monday from UPS. I couldn't decide whether or not I should buy it - my finances aren't great and I refuse to charge things on credit - but my mantra of "I am worth it" rang in my mind and I can make lunch and dinners for a few weeks and put the money I may have used aside and have paid for it. So... that's what I did.

"I am worth the effort!"