What the HELL is wrong with me?!?!

I'm food binging... well, I don't know the actual meaning of that term...but I am ingesting massive quantities of
food in the last three days at meals!!

Shall we review?  Let's see... Tuesday... cheese & mushroom omelet (this is my normal Tuesday b'fast so that wasn't so bad)... lunch - cream of tomato soup and 1/2 turkey sandwich on whole wheat with lettuce and mayo - again - not so bad... oh, and chocolate 2% milk and an apple & cheese string for snack... Tuesday night .... two cheeseburgers on white bread buns... cauliflower mash ... TWO cheeseburgers? Really??  Wednesday morning I started all over again... something I don't even usually ever eat!  Sesame seed bagel w/fried egg and american cheese slice!  What??!! (I logged it on Vtrim...)  Lunch = salmon and broccoli = no problem... can of coke ( I *never* drink coke!!)... and now - get this - dinner... small pizza with veggies - I ate what probably would be 3 large pieces of pizza.  Glass of white wine.  And then... let's add about six Annie's cinnamon cookies at ...mmm.. maybe 9pm?  At this point, I knew I was in trouble!  Not only isn't that "on my food plan", I broke my Lent doing that! Double whammy! Oh! And a spoonful of my son's cookie dough ice cream straight out of the carton!!!  Writing it out it doesn't sound horrible - but it IS horrible!! This is a lot more food than I normally eat and - what is worse - I ate the cheeseburgers and the pizza without any thought of measurement.  Okay - very little thought - I did order 'veggie pizza' afterall.  But.. c'mon? Really??

What the hell is wrong with me?  I can only think that it has some sort of psychological relationship with my starting this new program.  Hello!?!?  I *know* I want to lose this weight... I *KNOW* I shouldn't be eating enormous portions... I *KNOW* I should not have ordered a small pizza last night for dinner... but that doesn't seem to be stopping me. 

I think I've stopped now.  Because I feel ill.  This morning I only had a bagel and light cream cheese for breakfast.  Still - even that - is more than usual for me.  Normally I would have eaten 1/2 the bagel with the light cream cheese.  I haven't had my norm breakfast of yogurt and fruit in a week. 

Man, I guess I need this Vtrim program a lot more than I even realized.  Just thinking about changing my behaviors or delving into the 'why's of why I eat is sending me into a downward spiral.  NOT GOOD!  I'm disgusted by myself.  Truly.  I want to slap myself up side the head and say "what the hell are you doing!?!".

I think I've just done it... the slap upside the head, I mean.  I'm not a happy camper with myself right now.  Time to review my reasons for losing weight - getting healthy.  Time to 'get with the program'.

Thanks for listening to my totally unedited brain dump!

Debbie Downer

On Your MARK... Get SET.... GO!!!!

If you read the Healthy Loser Gal blog regularly, you'll know I'm a believer in the Law Of Attraction and how if you expect good things to happen to you, they will show up in your life if you truly believe in that outcome.  Time and again in this last year I have had proof in my own life that this is true.  Well, guess what?  It's happened AGAIN! :)
Ten days ago I began to rededicate myself to my weight loss after having been sick for nearly a month.  Friends here and on Twitter joined me in what I dubbed "Watch Out World" and set a challenge to stick to goals of exercise and food plan through March 19th which marks my own one year anniversary of when I started my weight loss journey.  With WOW I felt rejuvenated in my weight loss and ready to tackle this journey all over again when - out of the blue - I received an email from a Twitter follower who asked me if I would be interested in trying a behavioral approach to weight loss that was developed at the University of Vermont. I replied to her I would be happy to check it out and would get back to her within a day.

Within 24 hours of that email came a direct message on Twitter from the Boston YMCA asking me if I had heard of the Vtrim program... I had... only 24 hours before.  : )  Hello LOA in action for my weight loss goals! Could it be any clearer?! : )

I am sooooo excited to tell you all that for the next 12 weeks, Vtrim has offered me their online behavior based weight loss program through the YMCA of Boston for free!  Wooohoooooo!! And what is more, because it is being offered through the YMCA, I'll be receiving three trainer sessions included to get me off to the right start with the exercise component of the program!  Check out the Vtrim (pronounced V-trim) program and the program through the YMCA here at http://www.uvm.edu/vtrim/

I AM SOO PSYCHED!! :) To say that I am excited about this program is an understatement.  First of all, everyone I have spoken to at both Vtrim and the Boston YMCA are extraordinarily nice and caring people.  When I asked about blogging through the next 12 weeks, they all asked me to be completely honest with how the program works for me throughout and they all were as excited about my goals as I am!

This morning I spent a long time going over the Vtrim site as every Tuesday evening I'll be involved in an hour long online class in a group "chat room" format.  The participants and I will have a weekly assignment which we'll journal about and we'll discuss within the group under the direction of a group facilitator.  The topics differ and address behavior modification, not just calories in vs. calories burned.  Good lord how I need this help!  Maybe this will solve why - when I'm not even hungry - I find myself in the kitchen foraging for food at 9 o'clock on a Wednesday night!!

And you all should see the wealth of information on the Vtrim site.  Amazing! Everything you could possibly want all grouped logically so you can find it easily!  I felt like I was in weight loss and exercise info Nirvana when I was exploring the site this morning - lol.

So, my friends, get ready for these next 12 weeks with me... in three months time I will be setting goals and attaining them with the help of this miraculous offer from the wonderful folks at Vtrim and the Boston YMCA.  Part of me is a little bit anxious 'cause I'm being so open about this... what if I don't succeed?  But a bigger voice within me is saying, "you are going to succeed and have a ball doing it!".  By the time spring rolls around I should be a much healthier and happier loser gal, and isn't that what this journey is all about? *grin*
Thanks for your support and encouragement, my friends. "Watch Out world" continues and this time... with Vtrim and the YMCA's help! :) 

On my mark, get set.................. GO!