Last night I ate more calories than I usually do in three complete days. Alone. On my couch. Watching hockey.
I'm so disgusted with myself this morning and FEEL so disgusting! This lump of crap in my stomach is so evident and gross.
I've gone back and replayed the whole night - - I can tell you how it all happened - but not the why of how it all happened. If you think you have any insights, I'd be glad to hear them because THIS can't be happening to me again.
Here's the 411: My son and his girlfriend are here for a couple of days. I got home a little early from work knowing they were meeting friends in town (Cambridge/Harvard Square) to go to dinner and watch the game and that they needed a ride to the T (Boston subway). "Oh!", I thought to myself at that point, "I'll give them a ride to the T and will order a pizza so they can have some late tonight after they get home." I never order pizza anymore. I used to. Probably once a week 'back in the day'. "And I'll get a salad, too. And rolls. The rolls are free... I'll get rolls." "For them". WHAT THE HELL? Who am I kidding? Where did this evil old voice appear from suddenly? : (
And then decided to have another slice...
And then another.
Oh, and a glass of regular soda. A big glass.
And... now it is nearly the third period... I'd stopped eating the pizza... it was for the kids, afterall, and I had by now eaten HALF of it!! But there were Dunkin Donut Munchkins on the kitchen counter. Half a box. Let's see how much damage I can do here... wait... let's carry THE BOX into the living room and watch the Bruins.
At least a dozen. At LEAST. And another soda.
I actually had to get up and leave the house... I went for a walk in the dark down the street, just enough to clear my tormented head and come back and STOP! And then I logged onto Twitter and confessed. I felt like if someone else knew, I'd stop. WHAT THE HECK!?!!?! Why can't I just STOP?!
But, I did stop. I mean...too late... but I stopped. The whole pizza wasn't gone. There were three munchkins left. : (
I went to pick up my son and his girlfriend at midnight. "How was your night, Mom?" my son asked cheerfully? "I feel like I could puke." I answered. Not exactly the reply he'd anticipated.
I'm out the door now to undo some of this damage.. walk and then to the Y. But... man oh man... not good.
Digusted but moving on,
Jan / HLG