Friday Night Fat Frenzy

What the heck is wrong with me?!?  I mean... REALLY?! 

Last night I ate more calories than I usually do in three complete days.  Alone.  On my couch.  Watching hockey.

I'm so disgusted with myself this morning and FEEL so disgusting!  This lump of crap in my stomach is so evident and gross.

I've gone back and replayed the whole night - - I can tell you how it all happened - but not the why of how it all happened.  If you think you have any insights, I'd be glad to hear them because THIS can't be happening to me again. 

Here's the 411:  My son and his girlfriend are here for a couple of days.  I got home a little early from work knowing they were meeting friends in town (Cambridge/Harvard Square) to go to dinner and watch the game and that they needed a ride to the T (Boston subway).  "Oh!", I thought to myself at that point, "I'll give them a ride to the T and will order a pizza so they can have some late tonight after they get home."   I never order pizza anymore.  I used to.  Probably once a week 'back in the day'.  "And I'll get a salad, too.  And rolls.  The rolls are free... I'll get rolls."  "For them".  WHAT THE HELL?  Who am I kidding?  Where did this evil old voice appear from suddenly?   : (

I got the pizza, the salad, the rolls... dropped them off.  Drove home.  Turned on the hockey game... ate the salad with a glass of wine and two pieces of pizza.  No... "ate" is not an accurate description.  WOLFED.  I wolfed down the two slices... wolfed down the salad.

And then decided to have another slice...
And then another.
Oh, and a glass of regular soda.  A big glass.

And... now it is nearly the third period... I'd stopped eating the pizza... it was for the kids, afterall, and I had by now eaten HALF of it!!  But there were Dunkin Donut Munchkins on the kitchen counter.  Half a box.  Let's see how much damage I can do here... wait... let's carry THE BOX into the living room and watch the Bruins.

At least a dozen.  At LEAST.  And another soda.

I actually had to get up and leave the house... I went for a walk in the dark down the street, just enough to clear my tormented head and come back and STOP!  And then I logged onto Twitter and confessed.  I felt like if someone else knew, I'd stop.  WHAT THE HECK!?!!?!   Why can't I just STOP?!

But, I did stop.  I mean...too late... but I stopped.  The whole pizza wasn't gone.  There were three munchkins left.  : (  

I went to pick up my son and his girlfriend at midnight.  "How was your night, Mom?" my son asked cheerfully? "I feel like I could puke."  I answered.  Not exactly the reply he'd anticipated.

I'm out the door now to undo some of this damage.. walk and then to the Y.  But... man oh man... not good.

Digusted but moving on,
Jan / HLG

Really just BLESSED! : )

BLESSED!

I have to share with you how blessed I am and all the wonderful things that have been happening in my life - remarkably right around my 53rd birthday.  I don't know if it is because I faced my 53rd birthday with no apprehension or misgivings or because I'm truly learning to stay positive and focused and live a life of gratitude, but some wonderful things have been turning up in my life.  I'm not going to question why... I'm just going to be thankful for them and say that there really IS something to this Law of Attraction stuff and "Dream. Believe. Achieve!"... and it is ALL GOOD!  And here's the real kicker... I honestly believe if my life can having these blessings and unexpected gifts, yours can, too!  How 'bout that?  *grin*

So here is a BIG ONE... on my birthday, FITNESS Magazine's The Fit Stop featured the blog and me on their website as a Fit Blogger We Love.  When I came home from New York / Brooklyn after spending an amazing day (Mets pun intended!) with my son (more on this in a second...) I actually cried happy tears seeing this:

Click to enlarge

I am so thankful for the weight I've been able to lose, for how much BETTER I feel from getting healthier... for all of you who continually inspire me by your stories and your dedication to your wellness!  And I had one of those moments when I saw this article... moments when you rededicate yourself to being all that you can be because you know you can do even better than you are now and you want to help others start on their journeys to feel the way you do today.  That is what this birthday present brought to me- rededication and thankfulness!   So-- thank YOU - Fitness Magazine (especially Marianne) for this great birthday present!

Now let me back-up a bit to remind you that the day BEFORE my birthday I received this unexpected big box of TrueLemon products on my door!  I have been enjoying them so much as have a couple of my friends in my office. : )  Another surprise - another thing to be thankful for!

On Thursday morning (my birthday) I set off to Brooklyn to go to a NY METS game with my son, Danny.  I just adore my kid - we have the most fun together and our quirky senses of humor are never lost on one another!  He has a wonderful job this summer with the Mets organization so was able to secure us some great seats.  I have ALWAYS loved baseball from the time I was a little kid and my Dad and I would take long bus rides with the rural American Legion post to NY to see the Mets or Yankees (we were Mets fans)!  In 1969 I was 11 years old and remember every moment of the "Amazin' Mets" winning the World Series.  So to have my own son working for the Mets, in a job he considers his "dream" is - in itself - a wonderful gift.  What parent doesn't want to see their child happy? : )

My son and I were in our seats at Citi Field, in the beautiful sun, having a great time as the Mets begin to come from behind and my son says "Okay, we need to stay in the seats this whole inning...".  I look at him with a "huh?!" look and he says "You'll see, Mom..." with a big smile on his face.  Remember that I've ALWAYS loved baseball and this (below) is what Danny did for me as a special surprise for my birthday!

My "OMG!" moment at June 2nd's Mets game! :)
To say I was stunned and thrilled is an understatement.  To me, though, the greatest part is that my son knows me so well that he knew this would be better than anything I could hold in my hand or open up in a box... this is a wonderful once-in-a-lifetime ('cause there is only one 1st time this will happen!) moment that I'll tuck into my heart... especially remembering the look on my son's face when he saw me see it! As they say on the credit card commercials... "Priceless!" 

After going out to dinner (and - by the way - I walked over 5 miles on my birthday) and dropping my son off at his apartment back in Brooklyn, I headed back to Boston and listened to SUCCESS Magazine CDs all the way home, listening to Maria Shriver, Mari Smith, Peter Gruber interviews that were really interesting and inspiring.  I love finding out secrets that successful people have - no matter their field - and have been increasingly interested in how you keep hearing the same suggestions over and over again. (There's a blog post in there somewhere!)

When I got home, I was overwhelmed with all of the Happy Birthday messages on Twitter and on Facebook. THANK YOU! :)  I couldn't stay awake to read them all and respond I was so tired from the drive and the busy day... and I wanted to get my 8 hours of sleep in per my commitment to the June JAZZ challenge!

The final birthday miracle (and yes, I'm calling it that because I refuse to think it will be anything but a positive) is a call I received on Friday evening.  When I broke off my relationship with my fiance a few years ago now, I moved back to a beautiful rental home in the town I'd raised my son in.  When I first saw the home I felt immediately peaceful in it.  It is "me".  I have changed and grown and become more "me" while living in this home than anywhere else in decades.  I have had every intention of being a 'long term renter' and the landlord was happy to have me do so. 

Christmas season 2010
 On Friday evening she called and told me that she and her husband are divorcing and the status of the house is up in the air.  She was very emotional, felt bad delivering the news to me, was unsure when and if I'd need to start looking for a new home.  I truly felt this peace come over me and in the midst of the conversation I asked her calmly to give me '1st right of refusal' if they plan to put the house on the market and/or a lease option to rent and buy the house from them.   She was very VERY receptive to this idea and told me that it may, very well, be the answer they'd been looking for, too.  I hung up knowing that whatever happens - it will be the right thing for me.  And I have EVERY INTENTION (stating intentions and goals is important) of owning that house in the next six months.  I called my family and told them to pray for me - to send me positive energy that this would happen.  The amazing thing about this is that - while it may seem scary to many that I would have to find a new home to move to - to me I believe this is God's hand in my life.  A year ago when I signed the new lease I had a goal to own the house.  I told people about it - saying "I think I'll own this house one day.".  Now the wheels are in motion!  Do I have the money in the bank to secure it? No!  Do I know somehow I will be able to afford it? YES!!

So... in a few days I had a number of remarkable things take place in my life.  I am so blessed.  I believe so strongly in searching your heart for what you truly want in your life and writing down those goals, keeping them in the forefront of your mind, working toward them, and that you'll achieve them.  And - staying optimistic!  If you have negative thoughts creep into your psyche - chase them away. 

There!  I feel like I've just witnessed in church! LOL  But what I've really done is written a thank you note to you and the universe at large for blessing me!  THANK YOU! :)

Dream. Believe. Achieve!
Jan / HLG