Panic Sets In! Caution: Brain Dump!!

Oh good lord!! I just tweeted about how Weigh In is tonight and I know I'll be up on the scale as I have been SELF SABOTAGING this week.  Why am I doing this? I'm taking my lunch hour to sit here and blog and try to figure it out!

I really AM anxious about the Cancer Society 5k walk on Sunday, and I'm trying very hard to not be. I keep trying to stay positive and for the most part I *am* positive that I'll accomplish the 5k without any difficulties but in the back of my mind........ yikes!

So here's the down and dirty. On Sunday in upstate NY it may be raining - I just looked at the weather forecast it is actually supposed to be raining and high 60s, so not as bad as predicted earlier in the week.

I haven't walked as much as I should have. I haven't hit 3.5 miles yet this week 'cause I have given myself 101 excuses to NOT walk.  I was working late, I was too tired, I was not sleeping well enough to go out too early, it is raining... blah blah blah.

Last week I felt so awesome when I knew I would be able to walk without the pain of shin splits. Last Friday night I was cruising around the high school track like nobody's business... but then what? Nothing.  One mile here... two miles over the weekend... but still no 3.5 miles.

To compound matters, one of the other women walkers said on her Facebook profile "Watch out for those Blindbuck* hills - they kill me every night!".  Oh just great!  She's walking the *course every night and is having trouble with the hills- - what's that gonna do to me?!  I'm walking a flat track and haven't hit 3.5 miles yet!

And then, of course, is my asthma.  Will I be all congested from staying at Mom's and from the weather? Will that affect my walking? 

And that I'll be seeing people who haven't seen me in 20+ years and I will NOT look the same.  I'm 50 lbs. heavier than they remember me.  Sure, some of them will look different, too, I'm sure.  (Why do I always worry about what people think of me!?!)

But wait just one minute here.........

I am the only one who can change my own attitude and I think I just have.  The sun is streaming in my window here now after clouds most of the morning.  I *know* I will walk the 3.5 miles.  I *know* I CAN do it.  I may struggle - but I am not going to put into my thinking that I *will* struggle.  Why will I? I will be surrounded by people I know and care about who are looking forward to seeing me like I'm looking forward to seeing them.  How cool is that?  I have been losing weight and looking and feeling better than I have in years and I'm walking this 5k to CELEBRATE that - to celebrate how far I have come in this past half year.
I've lost weight. I've started to get fit. I ROCK! : )  *grin*

I ate a whole pint of Ben & Jerry's ice cream after dinner last night.  I had to buy it at the grocery store while shopping first, of course.  And then I ate it.

My son should feel lucky I didn't eat the pint I bought for him to have.  I was in that mind-set.  But, you know what - I'm allowed to slip up, too.  And... 'allowed' or not - I did slip - but I've regained my footing.

Heck, I've regained my positive atttitude which is the core of who I am.

I'm back to me. Phew.

I'm gonna rock that 5k and raise a ton of money for the American Cancer Society!

Thanks for listening. ; )