Seeing Goals Realized

Over this past weekend I hiked to the top of a lookout tower in New Hampshire.  Now that may not seem too big an accomplishment to many of you but it was a 'touch stone' moment for me.  The picture is of me on Sunday, October 25th.  I hiked up there again (with my ex-fiance) and this time - rather than stopping breathlessly along the way - we stopped once, took a short break and then hiked up the rest of the way to the Tower triumphantly!

The photo of me in the coral sweater is a photo of me THEN and part of my post of my trip there on April 19th - six months ago:

When this photo was taken on Sunday, April 19th, I could barely make it up the hill to the lookout tower. DF and I were up at Lake Winnipesaukee for the weekend and he had promised me that on weekends we could walk to get my "activity points" in for the week. The back-story here is that last summer, on a hot and humid day, we'd stopped by the same trail and I couldn't get even 1/2 of the way up before I had to turn around and head back to the a/c of the car.

I was determined NOT to let my asthma, poor breathing get in the way this time. DF was so good about it - he stopped with me along the path - encouraged me to take it slow - even said "look, my heart is beating fast too, it isn't just you that needs to go slow", so slowly but surely we made it up there and the lookout tower steps looked impossible to me as I leaned against the base, breathing hard.
But then I thought to myself, "I can do this. I can catch my breath and go up to the top." And so, flight after flight of stairs, I climbed, rested a second, climbed the next set of stairs. Up and up 'til we made it to the top. The photo is me realizing that I'd overcome my fear... it was a true smile of accomplishment. Not only had I given myself the time to get up there and not backed down from the challenge, I overcome the occasional fear I have experienced since my asthma worsened of "oh my God, what if I get (wherever seems remote) and I have a problem and I can't get (fill in the blank... "down" or "out" or "into")?" So it was two victories in one climb and the view was soooooo worth it!

This past Sunday, I felt none of the panic - none of the 'can I do this?!' feeling.  I felt great.  Was I winded? Yes - I was... my heart was pumping and my asthma has been kicked up this week anyway, but I did it... and it was an accomplishment to WANT to climb up to the top - to know I could and would do it without hesitation.

And look at the photos to see the difference that six months makes in the beautiful views of Lake Winnipesaukee.  The April colors of spring - just ready to bud and bloom - versus now and the vibrant colors of Fall in New England - echo my journey.  Six months in this journey I am so much more fully awakened with joy and hope and life again! : )

In six months I have accomplished so many of the things I said I wanted to lose weight for... I just reviewed my old list and it brought tears to my eyes to realize the things I have done already.  I am proud of myself! I have made it 1/2 way... my cup is half full... my heart is completely full of gratitude! : )

(From April '09)
The reasons I want to lose weight:
  • To be healthier
  • So I won't wheeze when I walk somewhere **Check**
  • To feel comfortable when bending over to pick up something**Check**
  • So I can see old friends and not be totally embarrassed by how much weight I have gained (this is a MAJOR one!)
  • To be more social and enjoy going out more often in public**Check**
  • To not feel self-conscious of whether something I am wearing is too tight, about to rip, etc.**Check**
  • So I can go into a restaurant and not worry whether or not I can fit in the booth : (**Check**
  • Because I know my asthma will improve considerably**Check**
  • So I can do things with DS like we used to do all the time, i.e., riding bikes, playing frisbee, going golfing, tossing the baseball, walking around and exploring
  • So I won't have like four chins and when I look down my chin doesn't receed into my neck fat**Check**
  • So I can pull my knees up into my chest to paint my toenails! : )
  • So I can touch my toes without a problem**Check**
  • Because I want to not be self-conscious all the time when in public**Check**
  • To be able to say "sure, I'll try that" and not panic "what if" about my weight keeping me from something**Check**
  • To feel sexy again
  • To wear whatever funky clothes I want to like I used to and not have it look like it may be the only thing I can fit into!
  • So I don't have this voice of my Dad in my head saying "What's happened to you?" : (
  • So I can casually fit into a conversation "well, I lost 100 lbs. once" and see people's jaws drop because they won't have ever imagined I could weigh anything more than 150 lbs.
  • To be a Weight Watchers success story and inspire others that if I can do it, they can do it
  • To play tennis again
  • To wear a bathing suit that wasn't the only one in the store that quasi-fit so I settled on it
  • To go back to Ireland and not think twice about whether or not I feel good enough to do things
  • So airplane seatbelts won't be a source of fear!**Check**
  • So my doctor will be damn proud of being right that I can do anything I put my mind to
  • So I can dress up for DF and feel great by the look I see in his eyes when I am out with him**Check**
  • So I never again have to worry that something I eat may trigger me to eat 'til I feel like I need to sleep from being so full**Check**
Thanks for following me on this journey, friends!  I'm six months in and thrilled with the results! Onward and upward! : )