food in the last three days at meals!!
Shall we review? Let's see... Tuesday... cheese & mushroom omelet (this is my normal Tuesday b'fast so that wasn't so bad)... lunch - cream of tomato soup and 1/2 turkey sandwich on whole wheat with lettuce and mayo - again - not so bad... oh, and chocolate 2% milk and an apple & cheese string for snack... Tuesday night .... two cheeseburgers on white bread buns... cauliflower mash ... TWO cheeseburgers? Really?? Wednesday morning I started all over again... something I don't even usually ever eat! Sesame seed bagel w/fried egg and american cheese slice! What??!! (I logged it on Vtrim...) Lunch = salmon and broccoli = no problem... can of coke ( I *never* drink coke!!)... and now - get this - dinner... small pizza with veggies - I ate what probably would be 3 large pieces of pizza. Glass of white wine. And then... let's add about six Annie's cinnamon cookies at ...mmm.. maybe 9pm? At this point, I knew I was in trouble! Not only isn't that "on my food plan", I broke my Lent doing that! Double whammy! Oh! And a spoonful of my son's cookie dough ice cream straight out of the carton!!! Writing it out it doesn't sound horrible - but it IS horrible!! This is a lot more food than I normally eat and - what is worse - I ate the cheeseburgers and the pizza without any thought of measurement. Okay - very little thought - I did order 'veggie pizza' afterall. But.. c'mon? Really??
What the hell is wrong with me? I can only think that it has some sort of psychological relationship with my starting this new program. Hello!?!? I *know* I want to lose this weight... I *KNOW* I shouldn't be eating enormous portions... I *KNOW* I should not have ordered a small pizza last night for dinner... but that doesn't seem to be stopping me.
I think I've stopped now. Because I feel ill. This morning I only had a bagel and light cream cheese for breakfast. Still - even that - is more than usual for me. Normally I would have eaten 1/2 the bagel with the light cream cheese. I haven't had my norm breakfast of yogurt and fruit in a week.
Man, I guess I need this Vtrim program a lot more than I even realized. Just thinking about changing my behaviors or delving into the 'why's of why I eat is sending me into a downward spiral. NOT GOOD! I'm disgusted by myself. Truly. I want to slap myself up side the head and say "what the hell are you doing!?!".
I think I've just done it... the slap upside the head, I mean. I'm not a happy camper with myself right now. Time to review my reasons for losing weight - getting healthy. Time to 'get with the program'.
Thanks for listening to my totally unedited brain dump!